My name's Kasia. I'm a 17 year old girl in recovery who's recovered from Anorexia. I've had Anorexia since May 2010. I also suffer from severe depression, anxiety and some OCD tendencies.
I've been in recovery since September 2010, but I only began taking recovery seriously, and wanting it for myself, in January 2011, once I realised I was wasting my life in hospital.
I went into hospital at the end of October 2010 and left in March 2011. I went to hell and back there.
I am at a healthy weight recommended for my height, but I will not discuss my weight or height because I believe any discussion of numbers leads to a disordered competition, so please do not ask.
I'm trying to lead a healthier lifestyle, whilst inspiring my followers to do the same by choosing recovery.
This is where I will write about my ups and my downs, and I hope to show those of you with eating disorders that recovery doesn't mean "getting fat". It means leading a healthy and happy life with freedom. My posts will mostly consist of personal posts, inspirational photos or quotes, research into the psychology of eating disorders, and also a few items on fitness and nutrition.
My daddy has a page on my blog called "The Gospel According to Dad" which I'm hoping will show you how much your ED affects those around you, and maybe if a parent of an eating disordered child sees my blog, they will see that they're not alone in this experience either.
Think of this as a recovery blog, but if are you triggered by talk of exercise then please read with caution as I sometimes post about my workouts. This is a place that inspires recovery, and also a healthy lifestyle.
I love giving advice, so if you need help with anything, I'm always here for you, even if it's just as a distraction. And you can always contact me by tagging a post with dontwanttobeanorexic.I answer privately if it's unrelated to me/my food posts/my blog.
But sticking your fingers down your throat and coughing and then going OH MY GOD EW is not bulimia. Fasting for a day and then “fainting” in the hallway is not anorexia. And “getting so desperate I seriously considered anorexia or bulimia” isn’t an eating disorder.
Bulimia is a speeding train with no brakes, bingeing and purging and bingeing and purging no matter how broke you are or how disgusting the food is or what you should be doing. It’s gorging until you can barely stand, puking until you bleed, and the city could burn to the ground and when it was over you’d still be standing in the ashes, bingeing and purging.
Anorexia is a wall of blue-gray ice, a miswired translation code that turns appetite into disgust, a terror you don’t understand, a fear so real you can see it and hear it and kiss it goodnight, an illogical logic that rewrites everything and you know you need to eat and maybe you even really want to eat but you just can’t because if you did everything would fall apart.
Desperation is digging through the garbage for nothing-something-anything to stuff in your face because you have to binge and purge right now. Desperation is standing frozen in the aisle of the grocery store for minutes/hours/years, and then buying the same calorie-free crap you always buy because you can’t eat it if it’s not safe.
I know I’ve been promising this for ages and it might be a bit of anticlimax but I can’t afford a really extravagant giveaway so I hope you can all appreciate my intentions :)
In the package:
Cocoa butter cream, for fading self-harm scars.
A butterfly tattoo, to use in a similar way to The Butterfly Project.
A non-metal hair elastic. When I was in hospital, I would use this in place of cutting by snapping the band against my skin - it gave some release without actually harming myself.
Nail dip usually used to prevent nail biting, but it’s incredibly useful for stopping purging if you use it.
A teddy, just for comfort.
A de-stress facemask.
A set of bath bombs, to treat yourself and give yourself a pampering.
A small canvas to paint on when you’re in need of distraction.
(Not pictured) A set of dot stickers, similar to the ones I use, that you stick around the house and when you see an item with a sticker, you pay yourself a compliment until it becomes a natural habit.
(Not pictured) A few health bars, like Nakd or Trek.
(Not pictured) A box of Yogi tea of your choice.
(The box insn’t included because I realised it raises postage price without having much practical use for recovery, so I’m sorry it’s in the pic.)
I’ve tried to make the tool kit unisex :-)
I know this isn’t anything cool like an iPhone or some cool clothes, but these things and the techniques you can learn from them really helped me in recovery and I hope they can do the same for you. These items aren’t expensive, and they’re available probably wherever you are, so if you don’t win, but you can see how these items would help you, I urge you to buy a similar recovery tool kit :-)
You have a higher chance of winning the more points you gain, so the best thing to do would be to donate £5 to Beat throughhttps://www.justgiving.com/Kasia-Dutch-Color-Run-for-Beat/ because that earns you 10 points and goes to a great cause :)
ENDS IN 50 DAYS!
Remember to follow all the instructions on Rafflecopter. Likes do not count towards your entries.
Anonymous asked: why is it I binge when I am alone and always standing up eating out of the container of whatever it may be I binge on that day, my mind and body are so weird does anyone else get this?
Perhaps it’s boredom or because you can easily do these self-destructive behaviours on your own.
And you don’t take out portions on a plate, because binging isn’t a controlled intake of food. It’s more mindless.
Anonymous asked: this is the anon about the meal. Thank you so much, i really appreciate your help and advice i think it's incredibly admirable that you're so willing to offer your wisdom xx
No problem, of course! Let me know how it goes! I hope you enjoy it xx
Anonymous asked: Ah sorry - I should have said thinspo/fitspo as opposed to triggers really and people who have a generally positive nature and willingness/determination to fight through difficult times! :) Thanks - hopefully lots of people like!
You know when someone asks you a question you know the answer to but your mind goes blank? I’ve got that :’( I hope you find lots of positive inspiration from the likes :) xx
Anonymous asked: Can you help me - I admire you so much and love your blog and was thinking you might know some blogs that are similar to yours that I can follow? I am looking for blogs that post mostly personal posts and very few reblogs - I really want to follow a blog where I get to know the person you know? Also not triggering is a bit of a neccesity - but recovering is ok. I hope you don't mind I just love your blog and would love to follow others that are similar and my dash is kinda dead atm!! xxxxx
Hello there, I’m not too sure because many recovery blogs do sometimes post triggering things and I don’t know how susceptible you are to triggers. Tell you what, if my followers feel they fit into your description, they’ll like this post so we can both check them out :) xx
Anonymous asked: tonight i'm having a meal with my family and i'm so nervous because i won't know the calories exactly but i know it will be a lot. I really want to enjoy the meal with my family do you have any tips on how i could possibly try and feel better about it? xx
Well, enjoy it as a social event. Food brings people together :) you don’t eat out everyday so this won’t have any effect on your weight, its just a treat. Savour and enjoy your food :) pick something you WANT to eat, not what your eating disorder wants and completely enjoy the flavors. Have good conversation with the people your with and mix the two experiences together xx
I know I’ve been promising this for ages and it might be a bit of anticlimax but I can’t afford a really extravagant giveaway so I hope you can all appreciate my intentions :)
In the package:
Cocoa butter cream, for fading self-harm scars.
A butterfly tattoo, to use in a similar way to The Butterfly Project.
A non-metal hair elastic. When I was in hospital, I would use this in place of cutting by snapping the band against my skin - it gave some release without actually harming myself.
Nail dip usually used to prevent nail biting, but it’s incredibly useful for stopping purging if you use it.
A teddy, just for comfort.
A de-stress facemask.
A set of bath bombs, to treat yourself and give yourself a pampering.
A small canvas to paint on when you’re in need of distraction.
(Not pictured) A set of dot stickers, similar to the ones I use, that you stick around the house and when you see an item with a sticker, you pay yourself a compliment until it becomes a natural habit.
(Not pictured) A few health bars, like Nakd or Trek.
(Not pictured) A box of Yogi tea of your choice.
(The box insn’t included because I realised it raises postage price without having much practical use for recovery, so I’m sorry it’s in the pic.)
I’ve tried to make the tool kit unisex :-)
I know this isn’t anything cool like an iPhone or some cool clothes, but these things and the techniques you can learn from them really helped me in recovery and I hope they can do the same for you. These items aren’t expensive, and they’re available probably wherever you are, so if you don’t win, but you can see how these items would help you, I urge you to buy a similar recovery tool kit :-)
You have a higher chance of winning the more points you gain, so the best thing to do would be to donate £5 to Beat throughhttps://www.justgiving.com/Kasia-Dutch-Color-Run-for-Beat/ because that earns you 10 points and goes to a great cause :)
Anonymous asked: Do you ever feel guilty about having the ability to recover in a way that most don't? This sounds bad, it's not! I don't want to sound like I'm being offensive, I just know there are quite a few of us on Tumblr who feel like recovery is so much more of a struggle because the food we'd like to eat is so expensive and gyms are too expensive and PTs aren't even worth considering. Peanut butter is somewhat of a luxury for me! I don't know anyone else who answers honestly so I thought I'd ask you.
I don’t really know what you’re trying to ask, but my family is by no means rich if that’s what you’re trying to insinuate. I am fortunate enough that my PT is free as a favor to me and my mother, but regardless, I didn’t see him during my recovery so its moot. My mother is very skilled at utilizing food coupons and offers, and buying in bulk in order to make sure we spend the bare minimum.
Whatever it is you’re trying to say, I’d like to say my recovery had only to do with my own strength and willpower. I won’t lie, I was a bit offended by this message as I feel you undermined my strength to recover by putting it down to any privileges I was fortunate enough to have.
Anonymous asked: Congratulations on recovering! It is wonderful that you fought so hard and succeeded! What does being recovered mean to you? What made you realise that you'd finally recovered?
Thank you <3
I hate this question though because it’s hard to answer! I don’t know, I don’t think about every calorie that enters my mouth, I don’t feel the need to exercise to make up for what I ate, or eat less the day after I’ve treated myself, I no longer hate my body, I see my flaws and work on improving my relationship with them and I learn to pick out my good points, I don’t know, I just don’t feel like I did a year or two ago. I feel normal.
