If you have stretch marks and you’re ever sad about them, remember eggs get stretch marks too and they’re still yummy.

•  19 May 2013  •  1,073 notes

1. Fat is not a bad thing to be. Especially in comparison to someone who thrives off trying to hurt others.
2. The amount of fucking times I have been called that, oooooh. If I had a penny… Pre-ED, during ED, post-ED, you frickin’ name a time in my life, and I can guarantee you I will have been called fat. Really, it does no longer pain me to hear the word “fat” aimed at me. It makes me pity yo’ poor ass for only being able to come up with 3 letter attempt at a jibe. Honestly, have some damn creativity. At least that way I might lose an ounce less of respect for you.
3. You are the spawn of satan and also u smell bc yo mama.

•  15 May 2013  •  23 notes

I’m sorry I’m promoing so hard on yo’ asses this evening, but all of this is to aid my Color Run in July for Beat.

•  10 May 2013

My Recovery Care Package Giveaway!

I know I’ve been promising this for ages and it might be a bit of anticlimax but I can’t afford a really extravagant giveaway so I hope you can all appreciate my intentions :)

In the package:

• Cocoa butter cream, for fading self-harm scars.
• A butterfly tattoo, to use in a similar way to The Butterfly Project.
• A non-metal hair elastic. When I was in hospital, I would use this in place of cutting by snapping the band against my skin - it gave some release without actually harming myself.
• Nail dip usually used to prevent nail biting, but it’s incredibly useful for stopping purging if you use it.
• A teddy, just for comfort.
• A de-stress facemask.
• A set of bath bombs, to treat yourself and give yourself a pampering.
• A small canvas to paint on when you’re in need of distraction. 
• (Not pictured) A set of dot stickers, similar to the ones I use, that you stick around the house and when you see an item with a sticker, you pay yourself a compliment until it becomes a natural habit.
• (Not pictured) A few health bars, like Nakd or Trek.
• (Not pictured) A box of Yogi tea of your choice.

(The box insn’t included because I realised it raises postage price without having much practical use for recovery, so I’m sorry it’s in the pic.)

I’ve tried to make the tool kit unisex :-)

I know this isn’t anything cool like an iPhone or some cool clothes, but these things and the techniques you can learn from them really helped me in recovery and I hope they can do the same for you. These items aren’t expensive, and they’re available probably wherever you are, so if you don’t win, but you can see how these items would help you, I urge you to buy a similar recovery tool kit :-)

Enter dontwanttobeanorexic’s Recovery Care Package Giveaway

Closes July 10th, so get entering!

•  10 May 2013  •  95 notes

On the 14th of July, I will be participating in The Color Run. I want to take this opportunity to raise money for beat: fundraising to beat eating disorders, a cause very close to my heart. If you could by just click on this page, read my story and consider donating, it would mean an awful lot to me. I have over 2,000 followers on here, so if everyone donated just £1, that would be over £2,000 for Beat. You can also donate by texting KASH95 followed by £1, £2, £3, £4, £5 or £10 to 70070 (e.g. KASH95 £10) I’m aware some of you may not be in the financial position to donate anything, so I would appreciate if you could instead share this post. Thank you x

•  10 May 2013  •  21 notes

I think, considering the last question I received, this is an important post to make at this time.

Let’s begin with self-destruction. Actions upon the self that are detrimental to one’s own mental or physical health, one’s relationship with the self or one’s relationships with others.

Starving is a prime example of this. It affects your health, both mental and physical, and your relationship with yourself and with others.

People who do things to self-destruct are not generally happy people.

The opposite can be said for people who aim to self-improve. 

And that’s how you can tell someone’s aims from their actions. Someone who diets to be “skinny” and is never happy with how they look is someone who is self-destructing. Someone who aims for “health” and “strength” and is happy with how they are at any set point but aims to better themselves is someone on the path to self-improvement.

Having been through, and come out of, my self-destructive “phase” I am now a happier person. I no longer crave attention, especially negative and “scandalous” attention. What I want is to love and accept myself and to be the best version of me I can be. I aim for this in all aspects of my life, however, because this blog is based upon a disordered past, naturally most of my posts are about food or body image, so I can see why this strive for goodness seems aimed only at food. But it’s not the case. I am happy with where I am now, but I want to feel even better. I do this through eating food that nourishes my body and exercising a few times a week, as written in my blog, but also by trying to new things, such as rejoining my old art class or participating in exchanges, or even finally picking what I want to do at university. These are all things that will help my better myself as an individual, and I don’t see that as a negative thing. I am happy with how I am now, but I have years ahead of me, so why not put them to learning new things about my personality, my body and the world around me?

When I got this question:

I was frankly confused. Why wouldn’t someone want to do something to make themselves feel better?

Furthermore, when I got this question:

I was confused for a different reason. Why was this person so intense about my life? Concern is one thing, a thing that this question clearly didn’t convey. It seems aggressive and accusative to me. And for why? This blog is but one aspect of my life, one that barely begins to explain the other 90 or so percent of my existence. So why did this person think that they knew me well enough to make almost hurtful remarks?

Very recently, my PT and I decided on a new training and meal plan for me because I wanted to try something different. In that aspect of my life (food and exercise) I was no longer improving, and why do something, even if you enjoy it as it is, if you don’t want to make the experience even better? I choose to take pack lunches (starting from maybe two days ago, so “controlling” my ass, anon) because I know what suits my body. Through recovery, I have learnt what my body works well with and what it gets irritated by so why would I put my health in a stranger’s hands. Like I said in the first answer, this isn’t to say that I don’t eat out or treat myself. And like I said, it’s probably about 70% healthy to 30% otherwise, but I’d rather have that groggy, post-junk food feeling after a big, yummy slice of cake than any ol’ sandwich so I’ll pack my own lunch. Plus I’m an excellent chef!

I’m hoping by now you can see my arguments. The difference between self-destructive, “controlling” behaviors, and what I’m doing, and also, how rude, intrusive and frankly unwarranted it is to ask accusative questions about someone’s life when you know very little about that person except for what they choose not to censor on their blog. 

From now on, because I have taken the time to explain my recent lifestyle choices in this post, I will be blocking any questions I get that I find offensive or unnecessary. I’ve wasted too much of my time being too nice to intrusive anons, or too defensive when really all that matters is that I’m okay with what I’m doing, and now, on my path to bettering myself, I won’t be spending time on these kinds of people anymore. You are toxic, and giving you even the time of day is more toxic.

Like I said in my last answer, you just do you. If you are genuinely concerned for my health, come off anon or send me a message on Facebook to show you genuinely care. And if you don’t, don’t bother with these sorts of questions anymore, for I don’t care for them.

•  7 May 2013  •  8 notes

Recipe for feeling good… Cut every single freakin’ label out of all your clothes. I have everything from size 6 to size 16 in my wardrobe because a) shops sizes all differ and b) sometimes I want a tighter or baggier look. Why should I let the size I’m wearing determine how I feel for the whole day?

•  4 May 2013  •  39 notes

strengthunbroken asked: Do you still consider yourself to be in recovery or recovered? Do you think that there's a line between being in recovery and being fully recovered? I think you're awesome Kasia and you help to inspire me, so thank you :)

Still recovering! 

I have days where I believe a full recovery is possible, other days I think I’ll always be battling, but I know people who are fully recovered.

I think one thing we all have to remember about being recovered is that it doesn’t mean living an ideal, rose-tinted life. It’s about returning to normality, and normal people still have bad body image days, but they don’t resort to ED behaviours like we would. I guess in that sense I am recovered, but because I still have that little devil on my shoulder, telling me bad things, and my bad body image days are probably more often than normal people, I am still recovering. 

It’s a very debatable subject - maybe you can recover in some aspects of an ED faster than others, but then if you are not acting upon the thoughts you get, are you considered recovered or recovering?

Thank you, love <3

•  10 August 2012  •  3 notes

The reason for this post is because I wanted to show the effects of anorexia in a way that didn’t involve my body and essentially didn’t show any weight loss/gain.

The first picture was taken in March 2010, just three months before I started my thinspo blog and began restricting. Although I’ve never been happy with my body, overall I was happy and it’s so obvious here.. My eyes are bright, shiny and smiley. 

In the next photo, the sparkle in my eyes that was in the first picture has completely gone. This photo was taken around December 2010, when I was in hospital and at my lowest weight. They say the eyes are windows to the soul - these eyes are dead, I had no soul. I was simply a body trying to survive. I am smiling in this picture, but I wasn’t happy and even in this photo you can see the depression that overwhelmed me.

The last photo was taken in July 2012, two years since I fell into anorexia. I have been recovering for a year and half and it is still the best decision I have ever made. My eyes are not bright and shiny as they were in the first photo - perhaps I have dealt with too much for them to ever return to that innocent, gem-like state - but I am happier than I ever was in the depths of my eating disorder. 

Recovery is not just about gaining weight - it’s about gaining life, happiness, freedom, confidence and so much more.

I hope the middle photo shows that all the life is sucked out of you with you ED - and although you may not see it, it’s visible to those around you. Because I haven’t seen the photos of my lowest weight (and, who knows, maybe I never will,) I asked my dad to crop the centre picture - he was overwhelmed by having to see those images again, something that he actually had to live with. Anorexics are just the living dead.

Trust me, the existence I have now is not comparable to the one I had a year and a half ago. I have hopes and dreams and things to aim for, not to mention the things I have already achieved without being constrained by eating disorder. You won’t know the things you are capable of, until you get rid of the thing that holds you back.

•  10 August 2012  •  175 notes

Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook will already have seen my excited posts about this, but I wanted to share this with everyone on here, for you, my dear followers, are what have helped me get so far in my recovery.

Here’s a short version of my recovery:

• July, 2010: I was taken to my GP, and told not to lose anymore weight.
• September, 2010: I lost more weight over summer and was thus referred to a CAMHS team and assigned a psychologist, psychiatrist, dietician and nurse.
• October, 2010: I did not cooperate with my CAMHS team - I didn’t believe their threats of admittance - this is one of my biggest regrets. I was admitted into hospital. During the course of my stay I had a nasogastric tube twice. I got to my lowest weight here, but also during my stay, I made a 180 degree turn around in my mentality and really committed to my recovery. 
• March, 2011: I was discharged from the inpatient ward and continued with CAMHS treatment. I joined my old year and completed 4 out of 10 GCSEs.  
• September, 2011: Repeat my GCSE year with the year below me who will become my year for the rest of my time at my school.
• January, 2012: Relapse. I got back on track with the support of my parents and close friends. 
• August, 2012: Discharged from CAMHS.

•  8 August 2012  •  30 notes

True fucking story.

Those of you who think it’s okay to give into ED thoughts for a day and restrict as long as you “get back on track” the next day… No, that’s not the way this works. Put your all and more into this, and one day you won’t have to battle those thoughts at all.

(via anabites)

•  8 August 2012  •  1,275 notes

Mondays will from now be “Meal Ideas Monday,” an opputunity for you to ask queries about food and meal plans or recipes and ideas.

Wednesdays will be “Workout Wednesday” - the focus being more on health, fitness and well being, rather than weight and being “skinny”. Ask me whatever you feel fits into this topic on this day!

From Saturday mornings to Sunday evenings, anon will be open for “Weekend Worries” where you can ask general queries or for advice about EDs, or more general advice, too.

Because I can imagine people will send questions on Monday, Wednesday and the weekend that are unrelated to that theme, the weekend will also be the time I answer any personal questions or general questions I get through out the week. 

On those days, the anon will be open for 1~3 hours during the day for questions related to the theme (I will give a notice when it is opens) and I will answer in the evening. Bare in mind, I am on -GMT time.

Please, don’t be offended if I don’t answer you straight away.

Off anon, you can still ask for advice and I will either publish it or answer privately depending on your preference.

The reason for this change is because I have been overwhelmed with the number of asks I am getting and it put my own recovery on the line. 

As much as I want to help you all, and save others from this terrible disease, I feel I was being used as a service and I was so stressed out. I think people forget I am a person with feelings and I too am in recovery. I’m not just a robot typing out answers behind a screen.

You can see from the image how many asks I got in relation to personal posts in the last week, and that’s not even all of them highlighted as tumblr wouldn’t let me! I don’t want my blog to lose it’s personal touch that it began with.

This has been a very big decision for me to make, probably bigger than you think, but I hope you respect my choice.

Also, thank you to http://meansit.tumblr.com/ and http://a-good-start.tumblr.com/ for the idea of this new format and help with names.

•  27 July 2012  •  9 notes

I may not be as thin I was two years ago, not by about 20 kilos, haha. Nor as thin as a month ago, but you know that’s not even noticeable as its only two kilos.

I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied with my body - I’ll always find something to hate - but how many people are completely satisfied with their bodies?

I look after my body, I nurture if and treat it well. I give it what it needs and that means its the best it can be. I’m not going to force my body into an unnatural state and I will learn to love it everyday, no matter what my ED screams at me.

P.S. Future husband - this is what I look like when I wake up. Run. Run now, and don’t ever look back.

•  8 July 2012  •  24 notes

Anonymous asked: hey kasia, sometimes i worry im gay, i get urges when im with my best friend and i just want to kiss her and see if it goes any further but i also no i like boys, i haven't told anyone, and i no i never can, what do i do? do you think this may be a passing thing? i dont no if its normal and im just 'curious' or what. Im so confused, upset and lonely i dont no whats happening. have you ever felt curious etc? x

You could be gay or bi or straight, but really it doesn’t matter. You like who you like - why feel the need to put a label on it?

It might be a phase or it might just be the natural fluidity of female sexuality.

I like people, not a gender but sometimes I find myself more attracted to women, sometimes to men - I believe sexuality is far more complex than just ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’ or the other labels. It’s a fluid thing.

If you like someone of the same gender, that’s fine! If you like the opposite sex.. guess what? That’s fine, too!

Love who you love - ignore anyone who won’t accept your feelings for what they are, because they are purely ignorant and should learn to know that close-minded people’s opinions don’t count.

•  4 July 2012  •  3 notes

I really wouldn’t have noticed that I’d gained weight had my shorts not been tighter towards the end my holiday.

And you wanna know why?

My ass is lookin’ très Minaj-esque! And it’s fabulous!

And I noticed now I have what would now be socially acceptable to call boobs :-O

I put those two things, and the fact I was nomming on a totally worth-it ~3,000+ cals a day, and clocked that I’d gain a bit of weight sexiness!

So my message to you all - RECOVERY IS WORTH IT - in case you didn’t already know ;-)

You can be healthy, and you can be happy - AT THE SAME TIME!

*Shock, horror* but it’s true!

It’s the end result of recovery, baby. You just gotta persevere, give it time, and trust that one day all this shitty ED shit will be over.

•  2 July 2012  •  28 notes